The Sweater Dimension
by born-of-fire12222
Summary: Mabel finds some instructions on how to make a sweater in Dipper's journal. Little does she know that sweater is more than meets the eye... Thrust into an alternate dimension with disturbing things like Grunkle Stan GIVING MONEY TO CHARITY! There is also a psychotic alternate Mabel. Slight violence. (Quite short) Wkdqn brx iru uhdglqj!
1. Surorjxh

*Disclaimer: I do not own GF or any related franchises and I will still not own it for the entire duration of this story, thus this being the only disclaimer. Please read, rate and review! The magical three r's! (It would be good if you reduced, reused and recycled too.) On with the story.

"And, lo behold! The Most Boring Object In The Universe!"

"Wow, that sure is boring!"

"This was totally worth it!"

"Shut up and take my money!"

Dipper decided there was literally nothing his cheapskate great uncle couldn't make money out of. Like that time where he sold a broccoli off as the world smallest tree. The object the tourists were marveling at was a clay disc with a line scratched into it. It was so boring, it made one wonder why someone would make such a thing. Which was an interesting question. So now the most boring object was interesting- and that's a paradox. This made Dipper's brain hurt, so he decided to go to his and his sister's attic room.

Mabel was carefully following the instructions in the journal. She wasn't sure what the outcome would be, but, hey, it couldn't be weirder than almost marrying a group of gnomes. And as it was supposedly a magical sweater, it certainly catered to her interests. She was almost finished- the pattern in the centre of the sweater was somewhat like a spider's web, or a god's eye, made by knitting a circle which was then pulled taught by a wooden base on the inside she had made out of ice lolly sticks and hairbobbles. (She was almost certain this would be just as effective as the traditional birch twigs bound with red string that had been tied around a temple.) Done! It looked perfect. She put it inside the circle of candles around the pentagram she had drawn as instructed, (however, she had drawn it on an Etch A Sketch instead of the floor as to avoid conflict with her Grunkle Stan.) She lit the candles, about half way through remembering to turn off the lights. She knelt down.

"Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab!" She chanted, "Egassem sdrawkcab! Kxv qefp pbxqbo lmbj qeb mloqxi gl x afpgxjg tlra! Egassem sdrawkcab! Sdrawkcab si egassem siht! Egassem sdrawcab!"

Then Dipper walked in to find his sister shouting nonsense with glowing eyes and levitating hair. At this point, he had two options: A- Run before her head turned a full three hundred and sixty degrees or such the like. B- Help. He decided to do the latter, otherwise he would be a bit of a douchebag.

"Mabel, what are you doing?!"

"Just making a sweater. Egassem sdrawcab! I CALL THEE FORTH!"

All of a sudden, the sweater produced a dazzling beacon of light that hit the ceiling. Random glowing symbols whirred round it like spinning top on a waltzer. A huge, gaping abyss opened up in the middle of the floor where the sweater was. Mabel fell in with a yelp:

"Sweet Moses!"

"Mabel!"

Dipper grabbed Mabel's ankle and the two of them fell, screaming into the hole.


	2. Chapter 1- Xsvlgh Grzq dqg Lqvlgh Rxw

There was what looked like wool everywhere. They were in a tunnel consisting entirely of wool. Of all different colours. And they were going really, really fast. All of a sudden, they stopped dead and fell back into their attic room. Mabel landed on her bed, on her feet and started bouncing up and down like an excited six year old.

"Whee! Let's do it again! Can we do it again? If we can do it again, I want to! Yay!"

"Never!"

Dipper, having faceplanted into the wooden floor, wasn't quite so pleased.

"Anyway, where are we?" Dipper questioned.

"Our room, duh."

"It's not right..." Dipper said, looking at his painting of a pirate ship. Only the ship was upside down. All the writing on Mabel's posters was backwards.

"Hey! I was never a fan of Zyob Maerd!" Said Mabel, pointing at an example of such writing.

"Why don't we go downstairs?"

"Good plan! MYSTERY TWINS, AWAY!"

"No. Mabel."

"Psh, whatever."

Outside the shack (underneath the huge "Kcahs Yretsym" sign,) was Grunkle Stan. Only this time, he didn't have an eyepatch, or his fez, or any of his usual outfit at all. He donned a white suit with a black shirt. And was handing out money at a stand with a euphoric look on his face.

"What. The. Fluff," Said Mabel.

"Gimme a second," Said Dipper, "Uh... Grunkle Stan?"

"Please, call me Uncle Stanford, sonny!"

He laughed and ruffled Dipper's hair, who was laughing anxiously to go along with it.

"So... What's going on, Gr- Uncle Stanford?"

"Just giving out my money to people who need it more like I do every weekend. Charity feels great!"

"You're... Giving out money?"

"Yup! Sometimes my best friend Gideon helps me out, too. I wonder where he is today?"

"Something is definitely not right here."

"It's good to see you out of your room, Dipper. Where's your sister?"

"Uh..."

"Why don't you go find her?"

"Rodger that, Uncle Stan...ford! Ahaha... Ha... Ha..."

He backed away to his twin sister.

"Any joy?"

"He's giving out money and he's best friends with Gideon."

"No! Stan's been possessed!"

"Now, Mabel, let's not jump to conclusions."

"HE'S BEEN POSSESSED, OH MY GOSH!"

Somewhere above Sllaf Ytivarg, all the birds flew out of the trees.

"WHAT DO WE DO, DIPPER?!"

"Mabel! Calm down! We can figure this out. All we need is a plan. Good thing I always carry notepad and a biro!" He said, pulling said objects out of his vest, "OK, number one-"

"No! We can't save Stan with some stupid list!"

She batted the notepad out of Dipper's hand. It flew into someone's face, they shrugged and tossed it over their shoulder into a pine tree branch which pinged it up into the weather vane which spun and knocked it into the bottomless pit.

"Thank you. Mabel."

"Now let's go look around the shack." Said Mabel, skipping inside, "Whee!"

"Look, Dipper, I made a chatter box out of this bit of paper!"

"Oh, _darling._ Don't be so immature." Said Mabel.

"Mabel?!"

"But I'm Mabel!"

"No, I'm Mabel, darling. There is no way in a million years I would _ever _wear such a garment as that. It's far too childish."

"Hey! My sweater's awesome!"

The girl standing in front of them looked exactly like Mabel, except she had dark purple nails and her hair was in a bun. She donned a black pencil skirt and a purple vest.

"It's hideous, darling. Now have you seen my soul mate?"

"Who's that?" Asked Dipper.

"Gideon, of course."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ME, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!" Mabel screamed, horrified, "I'm going to Sweater Town!"

And so Mabel curled up in the fetal position with her sweater over her head in the corner.

"Uh... No, I haven't seen him around so much lately. By any chance is there someone here like...?" Dipper asked.

"You look a lot like my twin brother."

"Where might I find this guy?"

"Go upstairs, second room on the left, darling."

"OK, thank you."

The whole shack looked... Different. The decor on the walls was upside down, all the doors opened the other way and the writing was backwards (not as backwards as the people, mind.) Dipper eventually found the room "Mabel" was talking about. He knocked- no reply. After a few more attempts, he opened the door.

The room was dark- the only source of light was a small tear in the closed curtains. It was also sparsely decorated, with only a bed, a chair and a dull green carpet with a dusty yellow border. There was a slight breeze from the open window, underneath which was an easel, with a canvas painted block red.

"Uh... Hey there."

A boy who was almost identical to Dipper was sat crossed legged in the middle of the room. He turned around, a lethargic look on his face.

"What do you want?" He mumbled.

"Uh... What are you up to?"

"Watching paint dry."

He looked like he hadn't changed out of his pajamas in decades and had a bedhead which Dipper guessed was permanent.

"That's... Interesting. Hey, do you know anything about a journal?"

"The one my sister found in the woods? I looked at it, but the monsters are too scary and I don't feel like investigating."

"Do you know where it is?"

"It's in the shack somewhere."

"Oh, that's helpful," Dipper snarked.

"I don't think it's very helpful, it's too vague."

"Don't you understand sarcasm?"

"Sarcasm?"

"Dude, you're not me."

"Of course I'm not you..."

"Well, I'll see you later."

"OK then. I'll be here."

Considering his conversation with himself had proved largely unhelpful, Dipper decided to see if his book had anything to say on the matter. He flipped through it, and eventually found what he was looking for.

'_SWEATER DIMENSION:_

_DO NOT ENTER. IT IS DIFFICULT TO GET BACK.'_

"How reassuring," Muttered Dipper.

'_I believe the sweater dimension may be an alternate universe. This is my only theory, as everyone I met in this mysterious place appeared to be the complete opposite of their original personalities- not to mention the backwards writing._

_In order to return home, you must condu_

_following ritual:_

_First:'_

Unfortunately, the book had been ripped. Dipper groaned and tossed the book over his shoulder.

"Ow! Careful there, Dipper, you might distract me from my work!"

"Wendy?"

Wendy was holding a mop in one hand, a broom in the other and had a sponge under her foot which she was using to clean the floor.

"Of course, Wendy hates work."

"Me? I _love_ work! Work's the greatest! I work _professionally!"_

"But-"

"It's great to see you out of your room by the way. Now I gotta go. Lots of _work_ to do! Yipee!"

And so she skipped off, tripping over a few times what with the wet sponge attached to the bottom of her foot.

What now? The book was ripped, there was no sign of the portal in the attic room.

He had to find the journal in this world, otherwise he was never going to see Gravity Falls, Oregon again...

_Ding-dong!_

"Oh! That must be my _paramour_!" Exclaimed 'Mabel', running to the door, "Hello, darling!"

On the other side of the door stood Gideon. He looked agitated, like he was about to speak to the scariest thing in all of Sllaf Ytivarg.

Which of course, to him, he was.

"H-hi, Mabel. You know, about tonight-"

"Of course, I understand."

"Y-you do? Really?"

"I'm also completely infatuated with you!"

She hugged him with slightly excessive passion causing him to stagger over with a yelp. Mabel decided to come out of Sweater Town to investigate the noise.

"Hey, are you OK?"

Gideon looked up to see a girl that looked almost exactly like his terrifying girlfriend, only she was wearing a sweater with a flying pig on it. She also sported a turquoise headband. Her lovely brown hair tumbling down almost to her knees. He took a full ten seconds to notice that she was extending a hand to him.

"U-uh..."

"Gideon~!" 'Mabel' half sang as she roughly dragged Gideon up by the back of his shirt, "Sorry, he spaces out sometimes. Don't you, honey?"

"Uh... Y-yeah... Who are you?"

Mabel received a death stare from her counterpart.

"I'm... Raven Sparkle Darkrose! Mabel's cousin. Nice to meet you."

"C-can I call you Rae?"

"Sure, why not? Anyway, I'm off, I got stuff to do. I'll leave you to your daaaaaaate~!"

"Wait! Do you um... W-want to hang out sometime?"

"OK, I guess. See you later!"

"'Hang out'? With _her? _Why do you want to hang out with _her?" _'Mabel' spat.

"B-because she seems... Um... Nice..."

"Nice? Nice? Am I not nice enough for you? Huh?!"

"Y-you're totally nice, Mabel, b-but I j-just think it would be nice to sp-spend some time with someone else..."

"You know, I've always loved that _necklace _of yours," Hissed 'Mabel', she moved in closer, practically breathing on his neck, "Can I borrow it?"

"W-well..."

"Please? You _know you_ _love me..."_

"O-OK... I guess..." He reluctantly took his amulet and handed it to 'Mabel'.

"Thank you_, sweetheart. _Now you hurry along and prepare for our date tonight! Don't want you to be late, darling!" She kissed him on the cheek, then slammed the door behind her.

She put the amulet on, taking a few moments to admire herself in the mirror,

"Very fetching," She smirked slightly, then giggled to herself.

Cupboards? No. Drawers? No. Trapdoor under the carpet? No. Heck, he'd even searched the fridge. That book was absolutely nowhere to be found, and Dipper was extremely close to pulling his hair out.

"Hey, what's up, Dipper?"

Wendy was now doing three pieces of paperwork at once, writing with both hands at once.

Lightbulb.

"Wendy? You know how you like work?"

"Work?! I _love _work!"

"Yeah, 'yay, work' and all. How would you like to do some work for me?"

"Oh, yeah, totally! What do I have to do?"

"I need you to find a book. It's kind of old looking and it has a picture of a hand with six fingers on the front and a number three."

"I'll start looking right now!"

"Thanks, Wendy."

"Yay! Work!"

"DIPPERDIPPERDIPPER!"

Dipper yelped as a suspiciously Mable-shaped thing tackled him to the floor.

"What?"

"I think we're in an alternate dimension!"

"Did I forget to tell you or something?"

"I probably wasn't listening."

"You have a really short attention span."

"Me? No, Dipper, don't be sill- oh, look, a shiny object!"

Mabel ran over to the drawers and pulled them out of the way. Underneath it was a journal marked "EERHT" with a shiny, gold, six-fingered hand on the front.

"Mabel! Your unbelievably short attention span just saved us!"

"It did? I _told _you I'm a genius!" She giggled and waved the long arms of her sweater up and down and jumped in a circle, "I-am-a-genius! I-am-a-genius!" She chanted.

"Let's see... Page 160. 160...160...160... Aha!"

Dipper's previously victorious face almost instantly fell.

"I-am-a... What is it?"

"Sbckwrds..." Dipper mumbled, incomprehensibly.

"What?"

"It's _backwards!"_

He was right, all the writing on the page looked like complete and utter gibberish. Translating all of that would take forever! Dipper groaned.

"Guess we're gonna have to translate it."

"'We'? Haha... That's a funny word..."

"What does that mean?"

"I kiiiiiiinda got plans with alternate me and alternate Gideon."

Dipper sighed, "Really?"

"Yeah... You're on your own, buddy."

"Wait... No I'm not! Wendy!"

Wendy gasped in delight.

"Have you got more work for me?!"

"I need you to write this all out backwards," He said, handing her the book.

"The whole book?"

"No, just that page and the page next to it."

"Yay! More work!" Wendy squealed in delight, practically floating away.


	3. Chapter 2- Grq'w Gdzgoh, Gduolqj

Having been told via note to meet her alternate self and Gideon at Euneva Rehpog at nine o'clock, Mabel had no doubts this was going to be a great night! She hoped Wendy wouldn't mind her borrowing her necklace, as she had no other way to make her outfit more dressy; She definitely wasn't going for the dorrito earring look again. She gleefully skipped out of the door and wandered down the road.

"Yes, sorry, darling, I'm going to have to cancel tonight," 'Mabel' said into her phone.

"Oh. O-OK then... Don't worry, it's fine..."

"Bye, sweetheart!" She put the phone down and giggled to herself. All of a sudden, there was a knock at the door, "Oh, I have company."

She opened the door, Mabel being on the other side, grinning like a baby playing 'peek-a-boo'.

"Hey, me!"

"Why, hello, darling! Come on in!" 'Mabel' ushered her counterpart inside.

"Where's Gideon?" She said, looking around.

"I'm afraid he couldn't make it tonight."

The doors slammed shut, trapping Mabel inside the dim warehouse with 'Mabel'.

"Hey, perhaps, since it's just the two of us, I can teach you a little lesson in what happens when you try to _steal my boyfriend_!"

Seething rage spilled out from her like spitting oil in a frying pan. Her face twisted into a menacing middle ground between a smirk and an infuriated frown. She gripped her amulet. Objects flew everywhere.

"Goodbye, darling."

Then suddenly rerouted straight for Mabel, who rolled out of the way just in time. She looked back at the dent in the floor where she was, shocked.

"What? I never tried to steal your boyfriend!"

"Don't play dumb!"

She picked up Mabel with her amulet powers and threw her into the wall with an angry yell.

"You're crazy and you're mean to puppies!" Accused Mabel as she ran for the door.

"Oh, no you don't!"

'Mabel' once again picked up Mabel, but this time she held her there. 'Mabel' chuckled at Mabel's feeble attempts to hit her; her arms were too short.

"Time to end this, darling."

Mabel saw the breadknife she was lifting toward her and braced herself.

"Hey! Stop right there!"

"Dipper?" Mabel dared open one eye, then the other. She grinned, "Hah! My brother's gonna get yoooouuu~!" She half sang.

"What are you doing here?" 'Mabel' demanded.

"I saw the note. It was a little suspicious."

"Really? I didn't notice anything suspicious," Mabel said.

"It said 'Meet me and Gideon at Gopher Avenue alone and unarmed at nine o'clock, also don't bring your cell phone.' What's not suspicious about it?

"Oh, yeah, I guess nine o'clock is a pretty suspicious time to meet."

"I was talking about-... Never mind. Anyway, let her go."

"How about you fetch Gideon for me first?" Said 'Mabel'.

"Why should I?"

Mabel cleared her throat very conspicuously and gestured to herself, before having her arms dragged down again.

"Oh, right. That. OK."

"By the way, don't dawdle, darling," 'Mabel' said, sharpening the breadknife on one of the wooden support beams, "Be back in ten minutes."

"T-ten minutes?!"

"Tick tock."

Dipper gulped and nodded. He backed out of the door, an obviously fake, anxious smile plastered on his face- the only thing missing was an anime style sweat drop. The minute he was outside he ran for the shack as fast as his legs could carry him, breathing shakily, 'Mabel''s words over him like a 100kg weight hanging on a piece of dental floss. He looked at his watch: 9:15. All of a sudden, he tripped over a horribly inconvenient root, flew over the path like a kamikaze pilot and headbutted something before finally hitting the floor. He was panting like a maniac, his hair displaced where his hat had fallen off and from the running. He looked up at the figure standing over him.

"Hey, are you OK, sonny?"

"Uncle Stanford?! What are you doing here?"

"Oh, you know. Bringing money to the orphanage," He gestured to a sack in his left hand, "What are you doing out here?"

"Well," He began, "First my sister knitted a portal to your dimension and then we found out everything was backwards and now my creepy psychopath of an alternate sister thinks my actual sister is trying to steal her boyfriend Gideon who is usually a psychopath who tries to cut out people's tongues but in this place he's pretty cool and now if I don't get him in ten minutes 'Mabel''s gonna kill my sister with a breadknife!"

"Dipper. Breathe."

"I know when to breathe!" Dipper snapped mid-pant.

"So you're not _our _Dipper?"

Dipper gave his alternate great uncle an exasperated look.

"That's _exactly what I just told you!_"

"Oh, OK."

"Do you know where Gideon is?" Dipper sighed.

"Probably in the Tent of Telepathy."

"OK, thanks, Stan! ... Ford!" Dipper called back over his shoulder.

Suddenly, he felt someone grab the back of his shirt.

"Not so fast, sonny."

"What?"

"I simply can't let you carry on... Without a band aid on your knee!"

Dipper looked down, having just noticed the warm red liquid trickling down his leg. It was only a small cut. It wasn't pouring out like a tap. Stan would usually tell him to get on with it like a man.

Oh, wait.

"There you go, Dippy," Stan grinned.

"D-dippy?"

"Hurry along, don't hurt yourself anymore, OK?" Said Stan, patting Dipper on the back.

"Sure thing!" Dipper said, ducking away from the gesture like it was extremely disturbing and unnatural.

Coming from someone who looked exactly like Stan, it was.

He skidded to a stop in front of Gideon's tent. 9:19. He ran inside.

"Now, you listen to me Gideon. You keep fooling those idiots in the audience, and I keep getting paid. And you can have a percentage when you're eighteen. Kapeech?"

"Yeah, dad..."

"GIDEONMABEL'SINTROUBLE!"

"Uh... Mabel? I don't see why she'd be in trouble. Do you mean the other one that looks like Mabel?"

"Uh... Yeah?"

"Her name's Raven Sparkle Darkrose."

"Of course her name's Raven Sparkle Darkrose..." Dipper rolled his eyes.

"Who are you? You look like Dipper."

"Uh... I'm..." Dipper smirked, "I'm Tyrone."

"Cool name."

"I _know."_

"Anyway, what's this about Mabel?"

"Oh, yeah. We have to go save her."

"Wh-?"

"LIKE NOW!"

"OK! OK! I'm coming!"

Dipper dragged Gideon along the path to Euneva Rehpog, running as though they were being chased by a rabid tiger on Smile Dip.

"Do we... Have to... Go... So fast?!" Panted Gideon.

"M- Raven might get hurt! We have to get there quickly!" Dipper panicked.

9:23. He internally screamed. He had two minutes! He sped up, even though his legs felt like they were filled with lead.

"T-tyrone!" Gideon complained.

"Come on!"

_'We're not gonna make it we're not gonna make it!'_

But he had to. He kept running, ignoring the ache in his legs and the complaints on Gideon's part and the throbbing in his forehead and the rest of the world: Mabel's life was at stake here. 9:24. He watched the trees turn into a dull green blur. He picked up his hat, having dropped it on the way. He fixed it firmly back onto his head. Before he knew it, he tripped over a step and fell through the doors of the warehouse. He knocked his plaster off, grazed both his knees and an elbow, and rolled about five feet. 9:25.

"I... I made it!" He laughed hysterically between pants.

"Very impressive. Did you bring him with you?" 'Mabel' demanded.

"Y-yeah..." Gideon answered meekly.

"Awwww, you seem troubled. Don't worry, once that stupid brat's out of the picture we can be together forever."

'Mabel' readied the knife, Gideon felt sick. Dipper decided it was time for plan B. He whispered something in Gideon's ear.

"Um... Look at that cute girl!" Gideon said very loudly and pointed at Waddles, who had been dressed up as a girl and made up. It was the most fabulous pig you'll ever see.

"WHERE?!" 'Mabel' demanded.

"There," Dipper pointed, "Careful, she might make your boyfriend dump you."

"_NEVER_!" Screeched 'Mabel', "He's _mine_! _LIAR_!"

The amulet started to produce what looked like electric pulses. They surrounded 'Mabel', her eyes rolled back into her head and started glowing. She laughed psychotically and lifted a book case in the air. She split in half, throwing one at Dipper and one at Gideon.

"Well, that could have gone better," said Dipper.

He yelped and ducked when the bread knife sailed over his head like an incoming missile, almost giving him an undue haircut and pinning his hat to the wall. He grabbed a broom leaning against the wall and parrayed the knife with that.

"Dipper!" Mabel cried.

The knife few forward suddenly, Dipper just blocked it, but got knocked over by the force. The knife was a few inches away from the space between his eyes. He pushed back with the broom, for a moment it looked like he was winning. Then the broom started splintering. His eyes widened in horror, and he rolled out of the way just as the thing split. He got up mid-roll and started running. He ducked behind some crates. 'Mabel' threw them all at Gideon.

"Oh, no."

Dipper just dodged the knife, got up, and carried on running. This continued for some time, but eventually Dipper found himself against the door with the knife coming closer to him at a worrying pace. He banged on the door. He pulled at the the handles desperately. Nothing helped. He saw it speed towards his face. He shut his eyes to wait for the impact that never came. He heard a thud, and when he opened them, Gideon had tackled it to the floor and was trying to wrestle it away from Dipper.

"Gideon, why are you trying to stop me? This is our chance to finally be together eternally!"

"I d-don't want to!"

"And why not?" 'Mabel' hissed.

"Because you're insane!"

"Very well."

The knife turned on Gideon. He held it back from his throat as best he could.

"This is what I get for loving you?! Huh?! I loved you more than anything, and this is how you repay me?!"

Dipper started shinning up the rafters.

"Mabel, you walk all over me! And I'm fed up with it! And now you're trying to kill me!"

"We can still be together."

"_No!_"

Dipper was in line with his target, hanging upside down. He took a deep breath and let go of the rafters, dropping like a blade in a guillotine. He grabbed the amulet from 'Mabel''s neck and they all fell, the knife dropping, lifeless, to the floor.

"Give it back!" Demanded 'Mabel'.

"No."

"Give it!"

"No."

"Hand it over!"

"No."

"It's mine!"

"No."

"DIPPER!"

"It's Tyrone."

Mabel rolled her eyes,

"Of course it's Tyrone."

"Give it!"

"No."

"Give it!"

"No."

"GIVE IT HERE!"  
"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"YOU WILL GIVE IT TO ME!"

"No I won't."

"Hand it over, punk!"

"No."

"GIVE IT TO ME!"

"Hm... Um..."

"Yes...?"

"No."

"URGH!"


	4. Chapter 3- Udlqerzv!

Following the ordeal with 'Mabel', the twins decided to steer clear of her from that point onwards. Other than the occasional rugby tackle out of nowhere, she didn't prove too much of a problem. Now they could deal with the situation and hand. Wendy had translated the book for them:

'_SWEATER DIMENSION:_

_DO NOT ENTER. IT IS DIFFICULT TO GET BACK.'_

"How reassuring," Muttered Mabel.

"I know, right?" Agreed Dipper.

'_I believe the sweater dimension may be an alternate universe. This is my only theory, as everyone I met in this mysterious place appeared to be the complete opposite of their original personalities- not to mention the backwards writing._

_In order to return home, you must conduct the_

_following ritual:_

_First:_

_Gather the following: An offering, a bucket of rainbow essence, birch twigs, red string (having been wrapped around a temple, if possible,) yarn, knitting needles, chalk, candles.'_

"An offering?" Mabel questioned.

"Like, a dead animal or something, I dunno."

"Ew."

_'Then, knit a sweater.'_

"Yay!" Mabel squealed.

_'Place the sweater over the bucket of rainbow essence and chant: "Egassem sdrawkcab, retaews wobniar," four times. The essence should take to the sweater._

_Following this, wait until midnight. Use the chalk to draw a pentagram on the floor, place the sweater over it. Arrange the candles in a circle around the sweater and light them._

_Say the following: Egassem sdrawkcab x6 Kxv qefp pbxqbo lmbj qeb mloqxi gl x afpgxjg tlra! Egassem sdrawkcab! Sdrawkcab si egassem siht! Egassem sdrawback! x2 I CALL THEE FORTH!_

_Finally, jump into the abyss to return home.'_

"That sounds easy enough," Mabel said.

"Where are we supposed to get rainbow essence?"

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! I know!"

"Ugh, Mabel, where are we going?"

"Just trust me."

By this point, they were about three miles into the woods.

"It has to be around here somewhere," she mused.

"What?"

"There!"

A red triangle poked out from the bushes. Mabel ran over with the bucket.

"Doctor, I think I might be a homosexual," Said the gnome.

"How can you tell?" Inquired the doctor gnome.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!" Mabel screamed, kicking the gnome square in the stomach, causing her violently throw up rainbows. She held the bucket underneath her and patted her on the back, "That's it, you're doing great, there there."

Dipper looked over the bush and pulled a face.

"Well, I guess that's one way of doing it."

"Done! Thank you gnome."

"Hey, who's that cute guy? I don't think I _am_ a homosexual," she said.

"What?" Said Dipper.

The gnome twirled her hair around her fingers.

"We're looking for a husband, you know."

"Uh..."

"GET HIM, GIRLS!"

Dipper screamed and ran for his life; which would be over if he got married (according to his dad, anyway.) Mabel quickly followed, being extremely careful not to drop the bucket.

"I forgot about that!" Mabel exclaimed, "The gnomes in this world are opposite!"

"No way, genius, really?!" Dipper deadpanned.

Dipper glanced over his shoulder- all he could see was a sea of red triangles.

"What do we do?! What do we do?!" Mabel shouted, panicked.

"I don't know! Keep running!"

Mabel had no intention of doing otherwise; The gnomes had formed a huge monster. It towered far over the shack. It blocked out half of the sun. It was throwing logs at them like pillows. Mabel was 95% she was the only person in her class having been through something like this.

Wendy was on break. She was sitting outside the shack, picking at some pistachio nuts and talking on the phone to Soos.

"So... How are your fourteen different business? ... Oh, fifteen now. ... All going well? ... Awesome! Yeah, Mabel and Dipper's cousins came to visit. I didn't know they had cousins. ... Tyrone and Raven. ... I'm not sure what they're doing at the mome-..." Wendy's jaw practically hit the floor.

"WENDY! WENDY!" Shouted Dipper, waving his arms like a malfunctioned windmill.

"GET THE LEAFBLOWER!" Yelled Mabel.

"OR ONE OF STAN'S NINE GUNS!"

"OR A CATAPULT!"

"Where's she gonna get a catapult?!"

"I dunno, I was thinking outside the box!"

"Soos, I'm gonna have to call you back..." And that was the last thing Wendy said before the world spun like a helter skelter and she took an untimely trip to play with the fairies.

"Oh, great," Dipper groaned.

Mabel gasped and pointed behind the gnomes.

"Look at that interesting thing!"

"Where?" The gnomes turned. Mabel knocked out one of the legs with her grappling hook. The whole thing collapsed like a cardhouse in a twister.

"You were keeping that in your sweater _the entire time_?"

"You know me, Dippy-sauce, full of surprises!" Mabel said, pleased with herself.

"We will find you! Husband!"

"Yeah! You haven't seen the last of us!"

"Yeah, sure," said Dipper.

*Disclaimer: I do not own the ASDF movie, all rights to the 'homosexual' joke go to Tomska.


	5. Hslorjxh

Mabel had finished her sweater, preparations were in place. They had the sweater on top of the pentagram (this time drawn on the floor in chalk, Dipper insisting that they were taking no chances,) surrounded by candles and all adjacent to a bowl of sweets. (This would have to do, as Mabel had as Mabel had attacked Dipper when he suggested Alternate Waddles.)

"You ready?" Mabel asked her brother.

"One sec," Dipper checked he had the right journal- he did, "Yup."

They joined hands over the sweater and chanted in unison,

"Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawcab! Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab!" Their hair started levitating, eyes glowing, "Kxv qefp pbxqbo lmbj qeb mloqxi gl x afpgxjg tlra! Egassem sdrawkcab! Sdrawkcab si egassem siht! Egassem sdrawback! Egassem sdrawkcab! I CALL THEE FORTH!"

The portal opened. The abyss opened again.

"Shall we g-?" Mabel was interrupted by Dipper dragging her into the portal.

The fell past what seemed like yards and yards and yards of yarn. Dipper punched the air.

"Woo! Roll on our own dimension!"

All of a sudden, Dipper landed face first on the wooden floor, and Mabel landed on her feet, jumping on the bed.

"Owwww..." Dipper groaned, "Shouldn't that have been alternate?"

"Wheee! That was fun, but let's never do it again!"

"Agreed. Let's just check we're in the right place."

"Sounds good."

They went downstairs, reassured by the doors opening the right way. Wendy was sleeping at the cash register, Soos was playing with a set of action figures, sprawled along the floor. Good sign. They went outside to see a familiar old man with a fez and an eye patch.

"Hey, Grunkle Stan, what are you up to?" Dipper questioned.

"Oh, you know, stealing money from orphans."

"Oh, thank god!" Mabel exclaimed as they both hugged him.

"Didn't think you'd be so enthusiastic. Heh. Kids," Stan shrugged and smiled despite himself, returning the gesture.

WKH HQG


End file.
